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Cloud Computing Weekly Digest With Joe Kinsella: October 22

The big news of the week is the massive DDoS attack against the US internet, which impacted several major cloud providers. The attack was reportedly executed by supporters of WikiLeaks in response to the government of Ecuador taking away Julian Assange’s internet link. Yes, you read that right: our internet went down because Julian’s parents decided he had too much screen time. But don’t despair: I have it on good authority the ambassador of Ecuador sent Julian to bed last night without supper, so I’m sure he learned his lesson now. Confession: nothing makes me care less about the freedom of information than not being able to access my Github.

Let’s get started with our week in review.

VMware buys a one-way ticket to AWS

I’m struggling with a Mad Lib and could use your help. Here we go:

All great business partnerships require a give and take on both sides. For example, in the Amazon-VMware partnership, VMware is providing Amazon its ________ (noun), and Amazon is providing VMware its ________ (noun).

The first noun I’m going with is customers, but I also came up with business and dignity as possible alternatives. My struggle is with the second noun though. What is Amazon providing VMware beyond the hope of slowing the movement of its customers to the cloud? Well, it seems InfoWorld’s Eric Knoff hasn’t solved this Mad Lib either, as detailed in VMware on AWS: A one-way ticket to the cloud.

Oracle’s cloud goes live

Oracle has finally arrived at the bargaining stage in its Five Stages of Cloud Grief. This week Oracle launched its Bare Metal Cloud Service (I’m not kidding: that’s the real name). Its first region has come online, with additional regions expected soon. For reasons I cannot explain, Oracle went out of its way to let us know its cloud was built by engineers that used to work at Amazon, Microsoft and Google. The bad news: Gartner’s Lydia Leong says the cloud is still a “minimum viable product” and is not yet competitive. The good news: Lydia is only helping Oracle to its next Stage of “Cloud Grief” –  Depression.

Microsoft kicks cloud butt

Microsoft’s share price hit an all-time high after the company announced its earnings. The big news was the 8% YoY growth of its “intelligent cloud” business, which produced $6.4B in revenue for the quarter. According to Fortune’s coverage of the earning call, analysts “showered Microsoft CEO, Satya Nadella, with praise for the company’s cloud results.” They also asked Nadella to comment on the recent Amazon-VMware partnership, to which he responded by talking about Microsoft’s commitment to a hybrid cloud. Yes it’s just as I feared: Satya Nadella can’t come up with a second noun for my Mad Lib either.

OpenStack breakthrough?

What do OpenStack and the Hope Diamond have in common? A history of curses. Remember the launch of HP Helion in 2014, a public cloud built on OpenStack? In 2015 HP shut down its public cloud and split into two companies. Remember the launch of Rackspace’s OpenStack public cloud in 2012? Rackspace threw in the towel in 2016 to go private. Remember Dell publicly committing to OpenStack in 2012? You guessed it: by 2013 they went private and have been busy selling off their parts ever since. But times may be changing, according to the ComputerWorld UK’s 451 cloud pricing report that suggests an Openstack breakthrough. In other words: try it, you’ll like it. But don’t tell that to James Todd, the mailman who delivered the Hope Diamond to the Smithsonian (leg crushed, head injury, house burned).

Fog computing makes us sad

Articles about fog computing are like viral cat videos to me: I don’t want to click, but I can’t help myself. The executive editor of Structure Events, Tom Krazit, did a solid job making “fog computing” sound less cray cray than it is in his article, Fog computing: Balancing the best of local processing with the cloud. He had me at the comment: “The marketing people want to call this ‘fog computing,’ which makes me a little sad inside” (yes Tom, I too am sad).

That’s all from the cloud. Stay safe this week and whatever you do: don’t p*** off Julian while his parents have him grounded.